Doggie Bags & Brunch Plans

This past Friday I was on a datetastic and since I knew that I was DEFINITELY NOT paying for myself, I starved myself all day in order to gorge on free food and delicious alcohol that night. So after 3 vodka gimlets, 2 refills on the bread basket and a pear, gorgonzola and apple salad appetizer salad that I requested to be supersized to an entree, I was pretty much about to explode. The waiter came back with the dessert menu and asked if wanted to have dessert, and my date looked at me and I made my usual throw up noises to indicate that I was exxxtremely fully, so the waiter took the dessert menus away. So as we're sitting there and I'm working the Marin Magic (TM), the waiter brings back the check and I pretend I don't see it when the waiter asks me if I would like the rest of my salad wrapped up to go. I look at him like he has just asked me if I wear underwear on my head routinely and I said "Um NO" because the last thing I want to do when I'm so full that I'm seriously considering lap band surgery is eat EVER AGAIN and least of all eat the same shit tomorrow that I just ate. Like if I'm about to die of fullness do waiters really expect me to say "Yes - I definitely want the leftovers" and then look like an obese loser carrying around food for the next four hours and pretend that I'm not extremely repulsed by the food and plan for the future by envisioning that tomorrow I might be hungry at some point because that will never be happening.

It's the same thing with brunch plans - like Megan asked me on Thursday night after I had just inhaled two of her delicioso enchiladas whether I wanted to do brunch on Sunday and I told her that unfortunately I could never imagine a time when I would be hungry again so my answer was definitely not and maybe she should check back in a few days and see if the situation had changed.