Friday, July 25, 2008
This weekend I have offers to go to the Jersey shore and the Hamptons. Which one should I choose?
In order to make a fully informed decision about where to go this weekend, let me provide a brief description of both the NJ shore and the SHAMptoms based on what I believe to be going on in both of these locations, despite the fact that I have never been to either. The NJ shore is perfect for people who are members of Gold's gym, have the Presidente Tanning package (unlimited tans, $75 a month) at Beach Bum Tanning, have at least 3 tribal tattoos or tattoos of butterflies, own 4 bottles of Dep styling gel, listen to DJ Tiesto, are constantly talking about getting both respected and disrespected, eat calzones twice a week, own several mockturtleneck t-shirts and/or juicy couture sweat outfits and work part-time at GNC and/or Claire's. The SHAMptons, on the other hand, is ideal for people who work in finance or fashion, tan on the roofs of their buildings in Murray Hill, tell their parents to "shut up" while on the phone with them and don't get punished for doing so, snort coke and braggg about it for 2 weeks after to all their friends and make reference to it in their tagged photos on Facebook, and frequently discuss boating or golfing. If neither of these places sounds like you, I would suggest staying in the city and writing bitter blog posts. I hope this answers your question.