Amazing Diagnosis

Did I mention my exxxtreme beauty

Among the MANY fans I have reading this blog is my sister Jenna's shrink, Dave. I've never met Dave, but I'm sure he's a decent guy, a decent shrink and my sister seems to like him so he's ok by him. Well, apparently Jenna recommended that Dave read my blog and after a thorough, professional and medical evaluation of my writing, Dave has concluded that I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This is glorious news. Below, I cut and paste the DSM-IV-TR criteria for NPD:

"A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance - CHECK
   
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love - UM, YES PLEASE
   
3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique- HAVE YOU MET ME
   
4. requires excessive admiration - CORRECT
   
5. has a sense of entitlement - ACCURATE
   
6. is interpersonally exploitative - MAYBE, WILL HAVE TO CONSULT 8-BALL
   
7. lacks empathy - INACCURATE, CRIED AT WALL-E
   
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her- 100%
   
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes" - 100%

At first when Jenna told me this, I was actually really insulted. But the more I read the diagnostic criteria, the more I realized that it is actually the most shamazing "disorder" known to mankind and the greatest diagnosis ever. I think the bottom line here is that diagnosis was invented by people who were jealous of better looking, more amazing people and in order to contain their jealousy they had to label generally superior people as having a mental illness.Um, who WOULDN'T want to be preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited power, riches and ideal love. Who WOULDN'T want to go around thinking that people are envious of them. If this is what illness is like I actually plan to never get better.