Dear Robespierre

Dear Robespierre,

Following up on your mandals post, are gladiator sandals acceptable? Please advise.

L.E.

Dear L.E. -

First off, thank you for your question which addresses this very important and very timely topic. For the sake of argument, I will assume you are referring to gladiator sandals on women only, since, as already discussed in the mandals post, ANY species of men sandals is not acceptable. If you've left your house at any point this summer, you may have noticed that virtually EVERY woman is wearing these contraptions, making gladiators the official 2008 version of the Tory Burch flat that was completely ubiquitous last year. But as my mom Rusty said when I begged her to get my ears pierced and told her everybody else had earrings, "if everybody else jumps off a bridge that doesn't mean that you have to jump off too" and "we're not everybody else's parents." The take away from these cautionary words is that while gladiators may seem popular and you may feel like an unfashionable loser by NOT wearing them, unless your name is Marcus Aurelius, you drive a chariot, shop at the forum and live near an aqueduct, gladiator sandals are absolutely unacceptable. Last time I checked, the Punic Wars were over and Virgil was not on Amazon's top 10 authors list, so there really is no longer a need to wear these ridiculous sandals which make peoples feet look like they're in prison. I hope this answers your question.

Your friend,

Robespierre

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