Thursday, July 17, 2008
The Power of Prayer
Following the cumulative end of the The Bachelorette, I Love New York 2 and Rock of Love 2, I think it's fair to say that I lost the will to live. Every day I would disgust myself by watching DVR'd reruns of What Not to Wear, Wife Swap, Engaged & Underage and Denise Richards: It's Complicated, make myself a margarita and then hope that a new Intervention or Work Out 3 was on so that the hours of my life would pass more quickly.
Yesterday as I sat on my couch drinking a vodka gimlet and watching Say Yes to the Dress, I said a prayer to god, whom I last prayed to in the bathroom in Kindergarten when I promised to buy him a Transformer if he would prevent the other kids in my class from barging in while I was peeing because the door didn't lock. I asked god to please let my landlord renew my lease despite Perry's barking problem and also make Jason from The Bachelorette the next Bachelor, bring back New York in a spinoff show and to FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, let Bret Michaels break up with Ambre and have another Rock of Love because I actually can't take it anymore. I can't go on watching garbage like Ice Road Truckers about men driving trucks on icy roads, or The Singing Office which appears to be a piece of shit directly out of my ass. After I had said the prayer, I went about my business including checking my ebay auctions and refreshing People, WHERE IT WAS GLORIOUSLY REVEALED THAT AMBRE AND BRET HAVE BROKEN UP AND THERE WILL BE A ROCK OF LOVE SEASON 3. As I am apparently a direct conduit to god, I am currently taking orders for prayer requests, not to exceed 3 items each with the caveat that nobody is allowed to request Louboutins because I've already requested them and we'll look like idiots if we're requesting the same thing.