Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Double Dating = No

All double dating occurs here

A few months ago, I was dating somebody and the time had come to break up. One of the things that lit a fire under my ass to initiate breakupization was that this guy had scheduled a DOUBLE DATE WITH HIS CO-WORKER AND HIS CO-WORKER'S FIANCEE. Let me just clarify that I would rather die than go on a double date with anyone at any time, mainly due to the fact that double dates should only be performed if everybody is from Grease 2 and also due to the fact that I cannot deal with the corniness of having to talk to the other girl about celebrities and fashion and pretend to be interested in her boring career that she'll give up when she gets pregnant anyway while the guys chum it up and talk about buying low and selling high. Granted, I've never BEEN on a double date, but I think the entire thing might end with phony hugs and cheek kisses, and promises that everybody will Facebook each other and then the other girl will promise to send me that Perez Hilton article she was talking about tomorrow from work, and then everyone leaves and says "She/he seemed nice," waits for the other person to agree, and then qualifies the "nice" statement by saying that the girl was also mildly ugly, fat, dumb or fake. I actually can't deal with these situations so I obviously broke up with the dude prior to the date and gloriously avoided this double date.

Unfortunately, certain people were not aware of my firm policy regarding duplicative dating, so my friend told me that she and I and our respective "beaus" would definitely have to do a double date, and I told her that that seemed like a great idea and I was 100% on board IF I LIVED IN NARNIA and that there was no way on god's green earth that I would ever be going on a double date so if she could just accept that idea and move on that would be ideal for all parties involved.


Jennifer said...

Message to Narnia: What we have here is a failure to communicate. If and when I have a "beau" you are definitely going on a double date with us. I heard you say no, but no means yes. If you accept this inevitability now this will hurt a lot less. Thanks.

narixx said...

Narnia to Earth, come in please, Earth.

Attention, Earthlings: "double dates" are for virtual strangers only. The other couple is there to provide contingency conversation, in the case that your date sucks. In return, you promise to offer this service to either member of the other couple, in case their date sucks.

narixx said...

Follow-up comment on "" --> it's a SIGHT for single friends.

Should we [sic] that, or is a double date truly a sight to see?