'Tis the Season

Nice try

So today I'm walking around Tompkins Square Park and the Jews for Jesus are out there in full force with their grey t-shirts and black Manhattan Portage messenger bags that say "Jews for Jesus" on them handing out their ridiculous pamphlets to the legitimate homeless people, the homeless punk kids with tattoos, skateboards and dogs, and to people in line for the soup kitchen. Since I spend appoximatley 40% my time talking with Mormons on their live chatroom and telling the Scientologists in Times Square to knock it off with the stress tests and get help, I obviously approached the Jews for Jesus people and asked for a pamphlet, which as usual features a lame cartoon about Jews and Jesus. The J4J asked me if I was a Jew and I said yes, and she said she was also a Jew, and I said, nice try, you believe that Jesus was the Messiah and are therefore not a Jew and then she tried to explain to me that Jews CAN believe in Jesus and still be Jews and I told her nice try again, but that would actually make them Christian.

We went back and forth with this ludicrous conversation and she obviously saw that I was not going to be converted today, so she tried to excuse herself but then I told her it was really annoying and lame for Jews for Jesus to have their headquarters in Murray Hill, which is the capital of Jews in NYC, and plaster their window there with absurd pictures of Jewish looking people with curly hair and wonky noses with captions like "Rebecca Levy - Jew for Jesus" and "David Goldstein Believes in Y'shua" and pretend that all these people had just magically converted from Judaism to Jews for Jesusism and that these picture were not stolen from JDate. Frankly if any Jew I know started talking about Jesus as the Messiah, their parents would very quickly kick their ass and immediately stop helping with the rent so I'm actually not buying that throngs of Jews are just joining corny cults. I told her that she obviously was not familiar with Jews at all, because no self-respecting Jew is going to listen to someone wearing a tucked in baggy t-shirt with rolled sleeves like it was 1992, but maybe if they started wearing Theory suits and Botkier bags and handing out free Sephora samples with their pamphlets that might be a different story.