Subway Heat

For the first time in a long time due to the fact that I'm unemployed and have no place to go, I took the subway uptown to my friend Jen's party. Megan had warned me that the heat in the subway felt like the kitchen in the 9th level of Hades, but I attributed her description to her typical eggzaggeration and thought it might be slightly hotter than outside but certainly not the kitchen of the 9th level of Hades. Well, I was wrong. The heat underground felt like I was wearing a tin foil suit and walking directly into an Easy Bake Oven that had been on for 3 hours. It was basically unbearable and it was COMPLETELY disproportionate to the heat that was outside. Like it wasn't really that hot out yesterday, and yet somehow the subway was a total sauna.

The only reasonable conclusion I could draw from this was that the MTA has been turning on heaters on the subway platform in order to make it extremely hot. When I mentioned this idea to Megan, Megan said that that seemed ridiculous, like why would the MTA waste money putting on heat if it's already 1000 degrees out, and I explained that it was because if the MTA did this, they could save money on air conditioning the subway cars, which would seem ridiculously cold compared to the blazing subway platform. Megan then suggested that they wouldn't really be saving any money, because the money the MTA saved on the air conditioning would go toward putting on the heaters, and I then asked Megan if I looked like I worked for the MTA and that maybe instead of pestering me with questions about WHY the MTA decides to put on heaters, she should save her energy and ask the MTA itself and quit harassing innocent bystanders such as myself who are merely pointing out the obvious.