Memorial Day Bragging

I was definitely here all weekend

Every year, everybody always asks everybody else what they're doing for New Years, Fourth of July, Labor Day, Memorial Day and other made up holidays. And you know what, I actually can't take it anymore. Because you could be the coolest person in the world but if you don't have SHAMAZING plans on all of these days your life is pretty much worthless and you look like a giant nerd. It's ridiculous because I could have plans 364 days a year and then somehow, on New Years, everybody disappears and somehow is always booked up going to South Beach, or going to a black tie party somewhere in a loft or on vacation to Paris or some other crap, and I never have amazing plans so then I look like an idiot when people ask me what I'm doing for New Years, when in fact they are only asking the question so that they can braggg about their own amazing plans. I mean, am I supposed to book Labor Day 30 years in advance? Let's get real here.

So yesterday as I'm sitting in Central Park with the thousands of other losers without Memorial Day plans, I decided that when 30 people call me or email me at work today to fake ask me about my weekend and nonchalantly tell me about their time down the shore, at a barbeque or how drunk they got a deck party, I will just tell them that my weekend was nothing special, I just went down the shore, to the SHAMptons, and to Fire Island where we had 3 barbeques, 4 rooftop parties, 7 bonfires on the beach and 17 luaus so if they could just calm down and stop bragging to me that would be great.