Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Bachelorette is Ridiculous

In general I am a giant fan of the show The Bachelor, because you can really see how these women who have careers as hot dog stand vendors, church fundraisers and medical assistants are eliminated are losing their one and only chance to marry a millionaire (Brad Womack), an officer and a gentleman (Lt. Andy Baldwin), a doctor (Lt. Andy Baldwin), or a prince (Prince Lorenzo Borghese), so it makes sense to me that these women would throw themselves at these chumps, catfight over them and cry hysterically when they are eliminated. I can't really say the same thing about The Bachelorette, where they have 25 moderately decently employed guys vying for the attention of one average girl who, this season, is a kindergarten teacher. Not that there's anything wrong with being a kindergarten teacher, but it makes no sense that these guys would sob into the camera saying that their dreams of marrying an kindergarten teacher are crushed forever when they could pretty easily put up a post on Craigslist or go on and get one of them ASAP.

In any event, this season the Bachelorette is a reject from a prior show, DeAnna Pappas, whom they brought back because, according to the announcer, "America fell in love with her." Apparently I missed the boat on this, because I can certify that I did NOT fall in love with her because she came off as needy and demanding and unlike Trista or the other bachelorettes with smoking bodies, the producers were always mysteriously filming around the lower half of her body - like they'd shoot her about to take off her clothes and jump into the pool and then cut to her already IN the pool because they were trying to hide from America her giant ass and obviously cellulitic butt, but I was onto it, and I once paused it before the camera cut out and you can DEFINITELY see her cellulite.

Anyway, when I saw The Bachelorette premiere last night, it was apparent that DeAnna has gone to the collagen factory, because in general when people get elected Bachelorette, they are immediately sequestered into Bachelorette Bootcamp, where they provide you with a Nazi personal trainer to get your ass in gear, liposocution as needed, collagen for your flimsy lips, unlimited spray tanning, DaVinci veneers and reasonable sized implants. Sadly for DeAnna, bootcamp was not enough and they are still refusing to film her lower body and always have her in pants, full length sarongs and other ridiculous items that cover her up and make it seem completely normal. This is exactly why I need to be elected as the next Bachelorette - not only because of the free plastic surgery, but also because America is tired of whiney people who talk about their feelings, how in love they are with people on the show and their amazing connections with other people, and want someone who will just tell people the truth. Like I would tell the martial arts master guy that he was eliminated based on his thinning hair/mullet combination and tell the guy who jumped in the pool with a giant cross necklace that I have a strict policy on man jewelry in that it is unacceptable.


EinsteinX4 said...

This show is ridiculous, I couldn't agree more. Very boring and she is too whiny (for someone strong and independent) and too bossy. "Ya'll need to clean up this mess." Last time I checked the henpecking doesn't start til after marriage and I'm a wife myself. She is constantly repeating the same things over and over, "I know how you feel, I know it's hard, I've been in your shoes." Okay, we get the point. I felt sorry for her in the beginning with Brad, but now I see why he didn't choose her and he made the right choice. Smart man. I never thought she should have just kept begging and pleading "why Brad, why?" Don't give the satisfaction! And the guys they have on here. Geez. Out of the bunch, she sure is keeping some oddballs. Clearly she has some other issues going on. On another note, I thought she was a real estate agent.

EinsteinX4 said...

My entire comment did not post...Additionally, I feel her conversation skills are quite limited. Silence and stares always seem to feel the air. "So, where do you take a girl for a romantic date?" Stare. They always seem to make up some crazy scenario. Then: Silence and some more stares. And the guys they have on this show. Geez. Out of the bunch, she sure is keeping some oddballs. Twilley? He puts me in the mind of Gollum and I keep expecting him to call her "my precious." Even the few decent looking ones seem to be missing a bolt. Stalker repeatedly runs through my mind when I'm watching this show. I hope they have plenty of security for her, it doesn't seem safe at all. If she can keep someone around that talks about "farts" or someone who has a mullet, or Gollum, then clearly she has some other issues going on. Will still watch the trainwreck though.