In general I am a giant fan of the show The Bachelor, because you can really see how these women who have careers as hot dog stand vendors, church fundraisers and medical assistants are eliminated are losing their one and only chance to marry a millionaire (Brad Womack), an officer and a gentleman (Lt. Andy Baldwin), a doctor (Lt. Andy Baldwin), or a prince (Prince Lorenzo Borghese), so it makes sense to me that these women would throw themselves at these chumps, catfight over them and cry hysterically when they are eliminated. I can't really say the same thing about The Bachelorette, where they have 25 moderately decently employed guys vying for the attention of one average girl who, this season, is a kindergarten teacher. Not that there's anything wrong with being a kindergarten teacher, but it makes no sense that these guys would sob into the camera saying that their dreams of marrying an kindergarten teacher are crushed forever when they could pretty easily put up a post on Craigslist or go on Match.com and get one of them ASAP.
In any event, this season the Bachelorette is a reject from a prior show, DeAnna Pappas, whom they brought back because, according to the announcer, "America fell in love with her." Apparently I missed the boat on this, because I can certify that I did NOT fall in love with her because she came off as needy and demanding and unlike Trista or the other bachelorettes with smoking bodies, the producers were always mysteriously filming around the lower half of her body - like they'd shoot her about to take off her clothes and jump into the pool and then cut to her already IN the pool because they were trying to hide from America her giant ass and obviously cellulitic butt, but I was onto it, and I once paused it before the camera cut out and you can DEFINITELY see her cellulite.
Anyway, when I saw The Bachelorette premiere last night, it was apparent that DeAnna has gone to the collagen factory, because in general when people get elected Bachelorette, they are immediately sequestered into Bachelorette Bootcamp, where they provide you with a Nazi personal trainer to get your ass in gear, liposocution as needed, collagen for your flimsy lips, unlimited spray tanning, DaVinci veneers and reasonable sized implants. Sadly for DeAnna, bootcamp was not enough and they are still refusing to film her lower body and always have her in pants, full length sarongs and other ridiculous items that cover her up and make it seem completely normal. This is exactly why I need to be elected as the next Bachelorette - not only because of the free plastic surgery, but also because America is tired of whiney people who talk about their feelings, how in love they are with people on the show and their amazing connections with other people, and want someone who will just tell people the truth. Like I would tell the martial arts master guy that he was eliminated based on his thinning hair/mullet combination and tell the guy who jumped in the pool with a giant cross necklace that I have a strict policy on man jewelry in that it is unacceptable.