Um, not to alarm anybody, but today I can't find my watch. I either left it on my night table or lost it somewhere in my office and I'm having approximately 20349809348 heart attacks because I love that watch and if I lose it, I will probably open up a window and throw myself out of it. Anyway, in order to calm my anxiety until my dogwalker Greg can check if I left it at my apartment or not I decided to go to Shopbop which sent me an email saying that they are having a sale on certain items, 30-70% off. By way of background, Shopbop is a bunch of jerks as far as online shopping sites go, because they never have coupons, all the shit is ridiculously expensive,but they have the best selection of all de$igner clothes that I need to enhance my beauty. So I just went to the site figuring that now that they cut down the prices I could by some things in an effort to counteract the sadness and anxiety I feel over my watch with beautiful new items that I can brag about and that people will be jealous of, but I discovered what I had secretly known all along, that their original prices are totally jacked up and their sales are complete jokes.
Take, for instance, these shoes - I mean, they're alright, but Shopbop is actually living in Narnia if they think anyone is going to pay $495 because while Jean-Michel Cazabat is a decent designer, let's not go crazy because he's not that great and you will still have to explain to some people who he is and exactly how much you paid so that people will know you are very rich and important. It's not like Louboutins where you just wear them and people crap their pants when they see them on, like what happened to me during my birthday dinner where a stranger complimented me on my "gorgeous shoes." I'd also like to point out that other sites list these shoes for around $360, so I have no idea who Shopbop thinks it is, but if they think they can mark it down to $346.50, that is really an insult and they need to stop wasting everyone's time with these "Sale! Sale! Sale!" emails. I won't even get into all the other stuff that is "marked down" from wildly outrageous to moderately outrageous prices, but the people there need to get in touch with reality ASAP because it's literally cramping my style.