Friday, May 30, 2008

Crane Drops, Keeps Falling On My Head

Aliza gchatted me this morning that ANOTHER crane fell on an apartment building on the Upper East Side, and sadly one person died. First of all, last time I checked, a crane was a bird and a brand of corny paisley stationary. Second of all, if a crane is in fact a piece of machinery that lifts things, I'm not sure what all of these "cranes" are doing in NYC but it seems like maybe somebody should get in there and fix them so things don't keep falling on buildings and people, because apparently we're actually living in the Tower of Babel where people just drop bricks on other peoples' heads all day long and no one speaks the same language.

I propose that we actually get rid of these cranes because any corny safety measures that the city will implement will be 100% lame and ineffective and that we investigate betters ways to lift things onto other things. My main ideas on this point include powerful hot air balloons, catapults and very strong men. I think the bottom line here is that the pyramids didn't just build themselves and there were no Skanska cranes 80 million years ago, so in order to get shit built the Jews had to be enslaved for 200 years, so I know for a fact there are other ways of lifting things and maybe people should start "thinking outside the box" for solutions to this lifting problem instead of just being obsessed with cranes.

1 comment:

Jenna said...

I was actually going to suggest getting 10,000 Hebrews to do the heavy lifting, but then you already covered that.