Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Scientology v. Mormonism: Ridiculousness Assessed


One of my favorite conversations to have is, More Ridiculous - Mormonism or Scientology. While I find all religions fairly ridiculous, these two are pretty much out of control. Below I set out the salient points of both arguments.

LDS - Ridiculous
1. Um, invented 150 years ago
2. Believes Utah is Zion - nice try
3. Wear magical underwear
4. Believe that if you convert to Mormonism, all your relatives who were rotting in purgatory also get converted and are sprung from the dungeons of hell
5. Miraculously decided to finally let in black people in 1978 after God gave a revelation saying that they were allowed in, which mysteriously coincided with the IRS threatening to revoke LDS' tax exempt status as a religion
6. Miraculously decided to revoke the plural marriage doctrine given to Joseph Smith after God decided in 1850 that Utah should be a part of the U.S.

LDS - Shamazing
1. Donnie Osmond
2. Wear magical underwear

Scientology - Ridiculous
1. Invented 40 years ago
2. Invented 40 years ago by science fiction writer
3. Involves galactic wars
4. Character named Xenu
5. Special egg determines your level of operating Thetan
6. Can only ascend through levels of religion if you pay ten cagrillion dollars
7. You have to be kidding me

Scientology - Shamazing
1. Tom Cruise
2. Cool to say you're a Scientologist and not be kidding


Sean said...

Re: dead relatives, I think it's more that you are allowed to baptize dead people, which (and I'm not clear on this point) either miraculously springs them into heaven or gives their soul a chance to accept Mormonism and go to heaven (which, I guess if you're dead and are like, "um, whoops, I should have picked Mormonism," you'd probably choose it as soon as your great great grand son splashed water on your corpse).

That's why Mormonism is spreading so fast in China, b/c Chinese people are obsessed with their ancestors, and now they can get their ancestors into heaven.

rachsky said...

I think your forgot to mention the Jahova's Witnesses who believe there are only 147,000 spots in Heaven, yet try to convert us all, which I never understood because wouldn't that mean they have less of a chance to get in?... and they don't celebrate birthdays. Who does that?