Friday, May 16, 2008

Play Review: Spring Awakening

Do not see this piece of shit

A few months ago, someone had free tickets to see Spring Awakening on Broadway and invited me to go see it. I had heard amazing things about this play from everyone who went to see it, and I was really excited because Broadway rules, and although Les Miserables rules the hardest, other things can rule on Broadway too, such as The Secret Garden. So as my mom Rusty would say, I "went in with a good attitude" and was hoping to love it and braggg about my front row seats to others.

Unfortunately, the play was the worst piece of shit I have ever seen in my entire life. If you don't know the plot, it's essentially German school children in the late 1800s who have no idea about sex because everyone is repressed and they think about it and talk about it all day long and eventually two of them bone, one of them gets pregnant and I'm sure you can figure out the cornbag "tragic" ending. First of all, the entire cast was people who have literally just gone through puberty, so my first reaction was how do these people get to be in plays when I have to go to work. Second of all, it was "rock concert" style in that they'd whip out individual, hand held microphones from their 1800s nightgown rags and sing into them, and would often sit on the edge of the stage so I was literally sitting a foot away from an obese 13 year old boy who was in the play and I had to stare at my program and think of my grandmother dying in order to not burst out laughing.

In any event, the highlight of the show is that right before intermission, the sexification occurs, and the girl and the guy are suspended on giant flat swing, he rips open her shirt and you can see her miniscule boobs and the he pulls down his pants, so you can see his butt, and they pretend to have sex. At this point I nearly died of embarrassment, but my main question was if her boobs grow in real life will she kicked out of the play because she's supposed to be like 13. The girl who plays her is like 19 in real life, and I don't envy her because while I'm sure she's pumped that she gets to keep the part because she's completely flatchested, it sucks that she has to be flatchested in every day life, because while the play is temporary, breastaculars are forever.
Also, I just want to alert people to a new musical In the Heights which looks exactly like Rent 2: More AIDS and my advice would be to stay away from this musical because it will be ridiculous.


Above14thSt said...

I agree. This was the WORST show I've ever ever seen.

Saida said...

I enjoy your blog, but this is RIDICULOUS. The show is shamazing, as you'd say, and Brian Johnson is a great singer and actor (a.k.a. obese 13-yr -old boy). It's called teenage angst, but since you passed your teenage years about 30 years ago, you probably don't remember what that was like. Your nose job doesn't hide the fact that you're a bitter 45-year-old.

chris moseley said...

wait. you're a kid and you didn't like Spring Awakening? Get back to your video games bucko.

cashking said...

The play was terrible. vulgar and in your face, just a waste of time. We left at intermission.