Status Ch-ch-ch-changes

I think it's pretty safe to say that I spend approximately 97% of my time at work refreshing my browser on Gmail and Facebook, which is critical in case someone gchats me with a dress I should buy or someone on Facebook that I haven't spoken to in 15 years updates their away message letting me know that they are drinking coffee. Yesterday while refreshing Facebook, I noticed that this girl I went to high school with updated her status from "single" to "in a relationship." A few months ago, she went from being "in a relationship" to being "single" so while it's good to hear that she picked up the pieces of her shattered heart and found somebody new, I find it 100% ridiculous that people update their status. Obviously nobody updates their status to "in a relationship" because they want to ward off the throngs of random strangers from the Philippines who hit on them, they do it simply to boast while pretending to be casual about it. Like this girl wants people to think that she's been in a relationship for ages and it just miraculously occurred to her this morning to nonchalantly change her status when in fact she obviously just had the Facebook relationship status talk with this person last night and confirmed that they are in fact in a relationship and then she raced home to change that shit in order to brag.

I'm onto these dirty tricks and frankly it's ridiculous because you know what, I was dating someone for 6 months and people asked me why I wasn't changing my Facebook status ASAP and the answer was because I didn't want to be obviously bragging about it in a corny way on Facebook, it's actually technically cooler to NEVER update my profile with the theory being that legitimately cool people and don't spend their days on these lame online networking sites so it wouldn't even OCCUR to me to be changing that shit because I never even check my profile and I have better things to do with my time like go to gallery exhibits and live shows of The Zutons or Neutral Milk Hotel. So if people could stop pretending to be casual about these status changes and just update their away message to "bragging about new relationship" and stop wasting everyone's time with trying to be coy that would be great thanks.