Monday, May 19, 2008

"A School in Boston"

"I went to school in Boston"

So on Saturday night at my shamazing birthday party, a random dude in the bar starts talking to me and asks me where I went to school. I told him the names of my prestigious and VERY high caliber institutions, and then I asked him where he went. "I went to school in Massachusetts" he said. I then told him that I didn't ask for the state in which he went to school, I was asking for the name of the particular Ivy League school that he went to whose color was crimson and was located in Cambridge and if he could just supply that name rather than dicking around with these faux modest "school in Massachusetts" lines that would be great and we could all move on. He then said, "I went to Harvard, but I don't like talking about it, because I'm not like that." I told him that I didn't understand what he meant by "not like that" because if he actually went to Harvard, then he was EXACTLY like everybody else who went to there, who, instead of just coming right out and saying "I went to Harvard, biatch - ZOINKS" gives me the state, area code and diocese of their school in a ludicrous effort to appear humble or embarrassed by their wildly "amazing" education. Um, if they are so embarrassed by the fact that they went to such a magnificent school, then that explains perfectly how they accidently applied to, gained admission to, accepted admission to, took classes at, not transferred out of and graduated from the number 1 through 3 school (depending on the year and the U.S. News and World Report).

What's really insulting here is not just the ridiculous faux modesty but the fact that they think that the people to whom they tell that they went to a "school in Boston" would automatically feel inferior if they heard the name "Harvard" or would feel bad about their own comparatively piece of shit education. Like if he said the word "Harvard" I would just immediately drop my drink, crap my pants and politely excuse myself from the conversation, because if he went to Harvard there was just no way that a genius like him and a moron like myself could hold any meaningful conversation, because if I didn't go to Harvard I obviously went to Chubb Institute.

In any event, if people in the future could just say that they went Harvard and not waste everyone's time with this humility and ridiculous attempts to "spare" other peoples' feelings about their own mediocre eductions, that would be great. Also, people also need to stop thinking that Harvard is the greatest school on earth and is worth these retarded shenanigans, because I have news for you, I didn't even apply there because the people are nerds and also because I didn't want to give Harvard the satisfaction of rejecting me on some bullshit reason like I didn't play violin with my toes or speak Mandarin or am not an Olympic fencer.


Jennifer said...

Ugh, when I went to BU Law my old debate partner "got stuck" at Harvard Law because he had been wait listed at Yale and Stanford (HAHA). When I saw him drunk the first week of classes, I asked "Nathan, don't you need to go home and study?" He snidely slurred - "Jen, what does it matter? I could graduate the top, middle or dead last and I'd still get a 6 figure salary." Screw those who went to school "across the river." Except of course for my great friends who went there but were cool : )

Sean said...

I applied to Harvard for undergrad but was rejected. How could they reject an Asian, violin and piano playing student who excelled at science??? I am a snowflake!!

Jenna said...

YouPenn, bitches. I think we are supposed to have social skills, but that has yet to be confirmed.